Confidence in a Fat Body: The Truth No One Talks About

People assume I’m confident because I post online.

They assume that because I take photos, wear bold outfits, speak loudly, and call myself fat without flinching, that I must wake up every day completely comfortable in my skin.

That’s not how it works.

I learned very young that if you live in a fat body, you don’t always get the luxury of visible insecurity. So I did what a lot of us do: I faked it until I made it.

People can sense fear. They can sense when you’re unsure of yourself. So even on the days when jokes landed too close to home or when I looked in the mirror and wished I could unzip my body and step into another one, I acted confident anyway.

Some days it was real.

Some days it was armor.

Most days it was both.

The Internalized Fat Phobia No One Admits

There’s this myth that fat people aren’t fat-phobic.

The truth? Many of us are.

That’s what makes living in a fat body so complicated.

We grow up being told we are less than. Less attractive. Less disciplined. Less lovable. Eventually, those messages sink in. 

We internalize them.

We punish ourselves with restrictive diets.

We buy clothes too small as “motivation.”

We speak to ourselves in ways we would never speak to anyone else.

And sometimes, when someone in a fat body starts losing weight, you’ll see it show up in a different way: attacking other fat people. Not because they’ve healed, but because they haven’t. Because when your self-worth is tied to shrinking, anyone who isn’t shrinking feels threatening.

That cycle is toxic.

We hate ourselves, so we try to change ourselves.

We try to change ourselves from a place of hate.

And hate is never sustainable.

The Opposite of Hate Isn’t Love

My therapist once told me something that changed everything: the opposite of hate isn’t love, it’s indifference.

Some people thrive by fully loving their bodies.

For me, the turning point was neutrality.

When I hated my body, I started celebrating it.

I wore clothes that flattered me.

I did my makeup.

I styled my hair.

I showed up in photos.

Did I always love what I saw in the mirror? No.

But I treated myself like someone worth celebrating.

And eventually, my brain started to catch up with my behavior.

Sometimes confidence is conditioning.

Confidence Is Contagious

Here’s something important: the only person who knows you’re faking confidence is you.

Everyone else feels your energy.

If you carry yourself like you belong, people believe you belong.

If you speak like you deserve space, people make space.

If you show up like you’re worthy, eventually you start believing it too.

My confidence also helped other people.

Confidence is contagious. That’s why body positivity feels powerful. When one person stands fully in themselves, it gives others permission to do the same.

Loving Yourself Is Not “Promoting Obesity”

I hear it all the time: that existing confidently in a fat body is somehow promoting obesity.

That argument is absurd.

A fat person loving themselves does not cause someone else to gain weight. Just like a smoker doesn’t “promote cancer” by existing. That logic falls apart quickly.

What actually threatens people isn’t fatness.

It’s confidence.

When someone is happy in their own skin, it forces others to confront what they dislike about themselves. And that discomfort sometimes turns into criticism.

The most miserable people are often the loudest critics.

Standing confidently in a fat body isn’t rebellion for the sake of it.

It’s survival.

Reclaiming the Word “Fat”

Fat is not a bad word.

It’s a descriptor.

It has only been given power because people decided it was an insult.

I’m fat.

I’m warm.

I take up space.

I’m soft.

I’m bold.

And none of those things cancel out beauty.

Taking back the word takes power away from people who use it to harm.

Dating and Audacity

Living as a confident fat woman exposes things most people don’t talk about.

Men who date fat women often face ridicule from other men.

Women sometimes assume a man with a fat partner must be unhappy and therefore easy to “steal.”

I’ve experienced relationships where outside opinions mattered more than they should have. I’ve experienced betrayal rooted not in my worth, but in other people’s insecurity.

What I learned from that isn’t that I’m unlovable.

It’s that other people’s discomfort with fatness can be louder than their integrity.

And that has nothing to do with my value.

Why I Show Up Anyway

I don’t wake up loving myself every day. I go through waves.

But even on the days I struggle, I show up confidently.

Sometimes it’s for younger me; the girl who never saw a fat woman portrayed as desirable or powerful. Sometimes it’s for my niece, so she grows up seeing that confidence isn’t size-dependent. Sometimes it’s for one of my followers who is too scared to book a Disney trip in fear they won’t fit on a ride. Sometimes it’s simply because I refuse to shrink myself to make others comfortable.

Confidence, for me, is defiance. It’s choice.

You don’t have to love every inch of yourself to be confident. You just have to stop speaking to yourself like you’re the enemy.

Find one thing you love. One feature. One outfit that makes you feel unstoppable. Build from there.

Confidence is something I practice every day because I refuse to let shame decide what I’m allowed to experience in this life.

And that belief is exactly why Veronications exists.

Travel can feel intimidating for anyone, but when you live in a fat body it can come with an extra layer of anxiety: airplane seats, walking distances, ride restrictions, judgment from strangers, or the quiet fear of not fitting into spaces that were never designed with you in mind.

I know those fears because I’ve lived them.

That’s why my work isn’t just about booking trips. It’s about helping people show up in the world without shrinking themselves first. It’s about giving people the tools, information, and reassurance they need to experience places they once thought were off limits.

Confidence changes how you move through the world and sometimes travel is the place where people discover that confidence for the first time.

So if you’ve ever told yourself you’ll travel "when you lose weight" or "when you feel more confident," consider this your reminder that you are allowed to experience joy now.

You don’t need permission to exist loudly in this world.

And if you ever need someone in your corner while you figure that out, that’s exactly what Veronications is here for.